White Christmas? Maybe!

(Photo: The six of us before Oupa and Ouma had to leave for Heathrow.)

I can't believe it's been almost 10 days since the last blog-entry. So much has happened!

First of all, I still need to pinch myself every now and then to make sure I am not dreaming. I am in remission and don't need radiotherapy! I feel happy and light-hearted. So enormously blessed. Make no mistake, I still have my moments - like two nights ago. All of a sudden I felt all panicky -What if it comes back in a few years? What about my young children? How do we explain this to them? But then I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that nobody knows what lies ahead, not even for tomorrow. And yet again I needed to make a decision that fear will not get the better part of me. If we constantly live in fear it is going to steal our joy for life - I am not going to allow that! I can't control life. I can't control breast cancer. I can't always control how I feel. I CAN control how I am going to react to it.

It was with great sadness and tears that we had to leave my parents-in-law at Heathrow to return to their own home. We miss them so much. Yet again they were such a huge blessing to all of us for a whole month. They arrived back in sunny SA on the 16th, in time for my mom-in-law's birthday. She is a sassy, hip 60! Although they just missed the snow in London, I am sure they will not miss the cold.

But there were also tears of joy. My mom arrived on the day Andries' parents had to leave. So we have a representative from SA for Christmas and new year. It is so nice! And seeing that I don't have to go for radiotherapy, we can spend the time catching up!

Hugo had his last day of play school for 2009 on Wednesday. They were treated to lovely party food and a entertainer, dressed as one of Santa's elves. At the end of the session the kids were sent home with all their artwork in a nice big bundle. Everyone, except Hugo. He just refused to do any artwork and being at a play school, they force no one. So, the big project for this break is to do some painting and colouring. Out with the big "arts-and-crafts"-box..... Messy, messy...

It is almost Christmas and it seems that we might just have a white one. I hope that you all will be able to wind down at this time of year. Also take your deep breaths and count your blessings. Make time and effort to the nearest and dearest to your heart. Remember to say your "thank yous" and lots of "I love yous". Merry Christmas and may 2010 be a very special, blessed year for all.

No radiotherapy

It's been one week and one day since we've received our fantastic news. I saw the breast surgeon yesterday and he thought that no radiotherapy was needed. But, he wanted the opinion of Mr. Plowman (and as my father-in-law pointed out, luckily the breast surgeon was a Mr. Carpenter and not a Mr. Plowman!). Mr. Plowman is a radiologist and I was lucky to get an appointment on very short notice. After examining me he also confirmed that radiotherapy wasn't necessary. I feel very lucky, as radiotherapy also has it's own set of side-effects.

Mr. Carpenter would like me to go on a drug called Tamoxifen. Tamoxifen is an antagonist of the estrogen receptor in breast tissue. It is standard therapy for hormone-positive early breast cancer. The good news is that my breast cancer wasn't hormone-driven. My estrogen tested "weak positive, smaller than 10%". The down-side, if I have to take the drug, is that you have to take it for five years and the side-effects are the same as early menopause. My oncologist, Dr. Jones feels it is not necessary to take the drug - I am keeping fingers crossed for her verdict!

All is well on the home front. Andries had his year-end function and Ouma and Oupa went up the Gherkin building today (we know someone in high places - she works way up in this 40-floor building). And tomorrow they are going for some 'high tea' at The Ritz.

We had our last care-group meeting for the year. We had a nice dinner and exchanged gifts. We also had to list the things we are grateful for in the year 2009. Mine is obvious, I got my life back. As I listened to the rest of the group I realised that we need to be grateful for the little things in life just as much as the life-changing, earth-shattering things. Because life is made up by the little things. Little things happening every day. I am so grateful that my detour life-journey is back on track because now I can get back on focusing on those little things - building puzzles, decorating the Christmas tree, going for a walk. Rejoice with me, in the small things in life!

My Miracle

Today is a day of big celebrations! Today I've received my fourth miracle - Andries was my first, Hugo the second and Ivan the third.

Elmarie, Andries' sister, greeted me this morning with Heb 10:23 "Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep His promise" - and I just knew today was going to be magical!

12 May 2009 I was diagnosed with Grade 3, Stage 2, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, which has also spread to the lymph nodes under my left arm. Today, 1 December 2009 I've received my miracle news - I am in 'pathological complete remission'. The pathologist couldn't find any cancer in the tissue they've removed from the mastectomy. I am blessed, because this happens to only about 10% of patients.

We serve an AMAZING, LOVING God. A God of miracles. This I believe with my whole heart. I also believe in the power of prayer and that the Lord listened to every word from every prayer by every person for healing and health. Thank you for putting me and my family on your prayer list!

Last night, while I was struggling to fall a sleep, listening to music on my iPod, I asked the Lord to give London sunshine today if I was going to get good news. When I woke up, the sun was shining so bright, after days of pouring rain. The sun was out the whole day! This was my sign, straight from heaven!

Shout to the Lord, all the earth
Let us sing.
Power and majesty, praise to the king.
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of your name
I sing for joy at the works of your hands
Forever I'll love you, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you !!!!

And tomorrow, please say thank you with me, for this miracle of healing in my life!

Two weeks and counting

It's been little over two weeks since the mastectomy and reconstruction. Everyday I can do more and move the left arm more. I often hear that 'time heals everything' and I figure in this case it will be the same. In between I am enjoying all the flowers and messages received from all over the world - thank you all so much!There are still a lot of bruises and stitches. I will see the surgeon tomorrow and he will probably remove the stitches and give an update.

It also feels quite 'tight' in the area that they worked. The part that is most uncomfortable is under the arm where they removed 20 lymph nodes. But I was prepared for this as the textbook gives lots of good advise. With this cancer-journey I decided to pick two or three books and stick to those regarding information. One I found very useful in particular is 'Breast Cancer for Dummies'. It explains a bunch of stuff in ordinary English, although this is an American publication (the breast care nurse advised me to steer away from anything American regarding information, especially on the Internet!)

Another reason for my appointment tomorrow is to talk about the pathology report. I am nervous about the outcome. The bottom line is this: the more lymph nodes involved (cancerous) the more the likelihood of recurrence. There are lots of stats available and I know I need to look at these for what they are, just stats. And I am me, not just a piece of statistics. I also have an appointment with my oncologist and we will discuss the steps we need to take next.

But, we are not sitting bundled-up in a corner and worry about report-results! My parents-in-law went to The Royal Albert Hall last night to attend a Salvation Army Christmas Concert - they loved it! Andries was privileged enough to receive a ticket to the Chelsea VS Arsenal football match yesterday afternoon - also a great experience. Hopefully next time there will be two tickets... Hugo and I are making Christmas cards for his class mates and getting everything ready for next week's jam-packed 'Christmas-week' at school, which will be filled with parties, a kiddies entertainer, playing at the Tiller soft play area and gifts from Christmas father. Then it is holiday time (again!) and he will return to school on the 4th of January, the day after his fourth birthday.

And in between all of this? We are enjoying the Christmas feel all around us! And I am going for an eye brow shape session - it is amazing how fast hair can grow!

Home

There is indeed no place like home - no matter where in the world you called home. As soon as the doctor gave me the green light I packed my little bag and was ready when Andries arrived at 10:30 this morning to take me home. The traffic was a nightmare like most of the time in London, but we arrived on time to pick Hugo up from play school. He was dressed in a space suit and his face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw me. He ripped off the outfit and told me in no uncertain terms that we are going home!

At home we where welcomed with big-smiled faces and the most delicious smells from the kitchen. Even Ivan, who is completely besotted about his father, was happy to see me. After a cup of tea and a toasted sandwich, I went to take a nap. It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed.

Thanks for all the prayers and messages. Now, I am going to lie down next to the boys and just enjoy a story or two. XXX

Hoping for home

Today I've been in hospital for one week. This time last week the mastectomy-procedure was well under way. I'm very thankful that I am on this side of the operation and on my way to recovery.

The hospital, The London Clinic, is all very smart, the service excellent (my hospital meals chosen from a menu and prepared and delivered by 'Clinic Hotel Services') and the staff extremely professional, but I want to go home now. I miss everyone terribly and can't wait to hand out heaps of hugs and kisses to my boys.

My hair also started to grow at a very good pace for the last week. I even had to shave under my not-dissected armpit this morning. I am very excited about the hair growing back on my head! Since Andries shaved everything off in July, it takes a split second to get used the image in the mirror, every single time I look at myself. Although it doesn't 'feel' different to have no hair on my head. The first lot of hair that is coming out feels very soft and the ends burnt - I think because of the strong chemo drugs. I have gotten the advise to let it grow out a bit and then shave it all off again. The next set of hair is then usually nice, smooth, strong and thick.

On a very serious hair-note. I've been washing my dome with baby shampoo. I reckoned that would be quite sensible and I will also 'have no tears'. Well, that is rubbish! The reason why babies scream until their faces turn blood-red during bath time, is because the shampoo burns your eyes like hell. Not to mention that it is a horrible sensation when the cold shampoo hits your bald head. Just keep that in mind next time you do babies hair...

Anyway, I am getting ready for my morning date - my three hunks are coming to visit, seeing that I will not be going home today. At least another drain pipe can be removed and then there is only one more left. So maybe, just maybe I can go home tomorrow. I hope you all have a great weekend and that the temperatures in Joburg will be rising very soon. XXX

Four days and counting

So it's been four days after surgery. I am bruised in a lot of places. Still three drain pipes hanging from my left side. Stiff from sleeping eight hours in one position. I am not particularly in a lot of pain, though I drink all the pills that they pile up in front of me - surely a lot of them pain killers. The nursing staff is wonderful - patient, understanding and extremely gentle.

But I miss home, my two beautiful boys, the familiar sounds and smells. My mom-in-law is by far the best cook I know. She can dish up the most amazing plates of food with minimal ingredients and splashes of spices here and there. I am so looking forward to that once I am home. My blood platelets are low and the doctor advised that I should eat well and added that "I don't need to tell a South African to eat red meat". But no piece of red meat in the UK can even begin to compare to a piece of Karoo lamb..... mmm....

My surgeon is off to a South African beach holiday. Cape Town. I am so excited for him. I gave him a nice long list of places to visit, wine to taste and roads to travel. He looked at me and said he was hoping to relax on the beach but would definitely consider my 'to do' list. I am so happy about the fact that the pounds we are spending on the surgery will be channeled back to South Africa - I hope he buys a lot of good wine and delicious SA cuisine.

Tonight the care group is packing shoe boxes. This is usually a fun-filled evening! The aim is to produce a Christmas box filled with toys and sweets for less fortunate children. A project run by the church. We are all so blessed, that it is so nice to be able to give back and share blessings. I hope that you will also join a special project this coming Christmas time and make a difference in someone's live, even if it is just one person.

The morning after...

The morning after the operation started very early - around 1 am. By that time the worst of the drowsiness was something of the past, and I could start my recuperation. At some point during my immediate post operation recovery I was instructed to control the pain by the self administration of morphine. I could not overdose on this pain killer, but had the ability to administer it not more frequently than every five minutes. For some reason I remembered that I should push the button every five minutes. The result was a very good first night, but also a bemused anaesthetist telling me that I used twice the normal amount of morphine following the operation. This does not classify me as an addict, and resulted in me feeling very happy and pain-free. He warned me that once this "overdose" has worn off it may result in post operation blues though!

I suspect that that many of you may wonder what the new breast looks like. I'm not going to publish a picture of my new piece of art, but suffice to say that I am very happy with the result... The shape of my new breast may change over time but the end result is normally quite satisfactory. I need to keep in mind that the aim of the operation is not to create a mirror image of the other breast, but rather to give me a "normal" looking cleavage when I wear under- or swimwear.

I've had a couple of visitors to date - Andries and Hugo, my mother's cousin Retha (who I last saw in 1980) and the Schiekes that travelled all the way from Reading. According to the surgeon I'll probably be in hospital until next weekend, but between visitors, books, television and my iPod I am sure the time will fly by.

I really feel positive after the operation, and the side effects are pretty manageable. I am not quite ready to cycle the 94.7 yet (and well done to those of you that did this weekend in Johannesburg!) but I'll get there!

A brief update following the surgery

Lourika has just woken up form her anaesthetist induced sleep, and seems to be all right and in good spirit. She is somewhat sleepy still, but otherwise in good form. The surgeon was happy with the operation, and we will see him tomorrow morning first thing.

So far so good - exactly as advertised! I'll provide a more detailed update once Lourika's had a good night's rest.

EGBOK

This morning I am sitting in a little French bakery/brasserie/confectionery on Marylebone High Street, and have just ordered a random breakfast item, and am drinking coffee which should taste great but seems to be of no consequence to me. The reason for all of this is that Lourika was diagnosed with breast cancer six months and two days ago, and after eight sessions of chemotherapy, five weeks of recovery, one week in Egypt and an abundance of prayers she has just gone into the theatre for her surgery. I don't want to wait in her room (which by the way is as good as you'll find anywhere!), so I ventured one block away from the London Clinic and ended up here in a typical British High Street waiting for the four hours to go by.

It was a rainy morning in London, and when we left our house at 6 o'clock the wind was howling. Not dissimilar to my emotions, I might say. The surgeon was held up in traffic so the operation started about 90 minutes later than originally scheduled. And as Lourika entered the theatre the sun came out, and that's when I knew that Everything's Going to Be OK - whatever happens.

Now is perhaps a good time to publish a very general "thank you" to everyone that has supported our family over the last half a year - everyone that visited us and ran the household while Lourika was being treated and I had to keep on working, everyone that wrote, phoned, prayed, Skyped, Facebooked and sent gifts, everyone at work that showed more compassion that I could ever hope for, and everyone that held on to the hope that Lourika will be not a victim but a survivor of breast cancer. And a big big thank you to my brave wife who has made the journey for Hugo, Ivan and I as easy as we could ever have hoped for, and inspiring us along the way. Wow, what a woman!

That's it from me for now - I have to finish my breakfast before I start looking like some kind of writer who's sitting in his favourite corner at his regular coffee joint trying to overcome writer's block...

Au revoir!

My own D-day

Finally the evening of the big operation arrived. This event in my life has been stuck in my head and heart since 12 May, the day of my initial diagnosis. We knew this day would eventually arrive.

I have to be at The London Clinic at 6:30 am. They will do an ECG and I will be off to theatre around 8 am. Mr Carpenter, the breast surgeon, explained that it is around a four hour procedure. They will remove the left breast's tissue, sparing the skin of the breast and do reconstruction with the help of the Latisimus Dorsi muscle from my back. They cut part of the muscle loose and tunnel it to the front and reshape it in the form of a breast. If they need to enlarge the area they will do that with an implant or with tissue extracted via lipo suction from my tummy.

I had a good day today. I spent wonderful time with the family and Andries and I went to the Docklands museum and for a cappuccino afterwards. Two wonderful friends from our church, Karen and Rachel, came in the morning to chat a bit and very important, to pray for me. It was a wonderful event, if I may call it that. It is such a relieve to just give all of this to the Lord and not to worry about a thing. Joshua 1:5 promise "I will not leave you nor forsake you". I feel extremely calm and positive about tomorrow's operation. It is not about loosing a breast, it is about getting a new lease on life. Having hope. Getting healed.

To everyone, all over the world - I feel so blessed that you have traveled this journey so far with me. Thanks that you never stopped believing that I am going to beat this. Thanks for the never ending positive thoughts and encouragement. And thanks for the prayers, every day - the Lord heard all of them and knows the needs of our hearts.

We serve a great, mighty and amazing God. I am His daughter. He loves me fully, completely. I love the song "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin. Here is a little bit:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God.

The Lord loves you, completely, just the way you are. He sees the depths of your heart and still loves you the same. If you should die today, are you certain of where you will spend eternity? Maybe today is your day to invite the lord, Jesus Christ into your live and give Him a change to show you how perfect His love is for you. In Chris' words: His love is indescribable, uncontainable, incomparable and unchangeable.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed-bugs bite! XXX

Back from Egypt

We had a terrific time in Sharm El Shaikh. The sun was blasting every day and we enjoyed the pools and sea very much. It was a lazy holiday - sleeping late, no cooking, no cleaning, other people preparing all our meals. It was a big treat! On the photo's you can see me on a camel, waiving like queen Nefertiti (after the op it will be queen Newer-titi...), the three hunks that accompanied me to Egypt, our little family, myself and Hugo and Ivan and me.

Oupa André and Ouma Ronel arrived yesterday and it is such a treat to have them here. We were spoilt rotten with the most amazing gifts from bunches of people in SA - we feel so blessed to have them in our lives! I am really looking forward to my packets of Niknaks....

One of the surprises was a file made up by a bunch of my friends. Each one took a plastic bag and filled it up with letters, articles, books and a teabag. The instructions said that I must make a cup of tea with the teabag provided and work my way through each gift pack. It is such a special thing that they did for me and really makes me feel closer to home then I really am. And off course my mom made sure I had new slippers, books, sweets and the newest 'Huisgenoot' with old Joost on the cover! Thanks for all my nice goodies!

So the big day for the operation is only two sleeps away. I feel a bit nervous, but more grateful that the cancer will be cut out. The doctor explained that it is a four hour procedure. They will do the mastectomy and reconstruction of the breast in one. He also needs to do an clearance where he is going to remove about 20 lymph nodes under my left arm to be tested afterwards. The results of these tests are important with regards to further treatment (radiotherapy) and the prediction of recurrence.

Please pray with us for a good and successful operation and a speedy recovery. I need to have drainpipes and will be going home as soon as those are removed.

Just before we left SA in June to come back to start the treatment, Miley Cirus was singing her new song, 'The Climb'. After watching "Why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy" I decided that this song will be my "war song". Slowly but surely I forgot about that and then my wonderful sister-in-law wrote me a letter and mentioned this song. This part I like best:

There's always going to be another mountain

I'm always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes you going to have to lose,

Ain't about how fast I get there,

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Keep on moving

Keep climbing

Keep the faith baby

It's all about

It's all about

The climb

Keep the faith

Keep your faith

So, lets keep the faith. Lets keep on climbing.....

Pretty darn scary!

Yes, this last week was pretty and scary. On Tuesday evening we watched a program on BBC titled 'My Breasts Could Kill Me'. Very insightful. A young woman going through the motions to see whether she has breast cancer. Her own mom died at the age of 34 of this decease, which makes her a good candidate to follow in her mom's footsteps. Some interesting facts: from the time that the first cancer cell is 'born' until the moment you can feel the lump in your breast is about five years. That means that I have been sitting with this awful stuff in my body for at least five years - scary! Luckily modern medicine is so amazing that they can detect a cancer tumor 18 months before you can feel the lump with a mammogram and three years before with an MRI scan. Unfortunately these are pricey tests.

Now to the pretty part. I had my 'Look good, feel better' afternoon this last Wednesday, together with 14 other ladies - all ages, shapes and sizes. It was a real girly, fun-filled afternoon. Upon arrival we had some drinks (that is now tea, coffee or cappuccino), were taken to the long table and handed out a nice biggish toiletry bag. Inside we found everything you need to glamour up your face - names like Chanel, Clarins, Lancome and Yves Saint Laurent. Even a very nice bottle of Sarah Jessica Parker perfume. Stephen showed everyone the 110 steps to follow to look absolutely gorgeous - no, it was only 12 steps, but feels like a 110 if you are used to mascara and lipstick for special occasions only! I was the lucky one on whom he had to demonstrate all his tricks and I am sure I can't remember half of it (it must be my chemo-brain condition!). Everyone was very chirpy and all smiles by the end of the session.

Upon arriving home, I found three happy boys. Andries was on babysitter-duty and joined Hugo and Ivan playing outside. They also completed some puzzles and managed to build a dinosaur out of Lego - very impressive! (See the photo)

We are getting ready for our vacation in Egypt. Four more sleeps before we leave for Sharm El Sheikh. It is very close to the Sinai district. The great thing about this holiday is that it is all- inclusive. So the only work we have to do is to put up our arms and snap our fingers to order the cocktails (mine non-alcoholic obviously...).

On our return it will be just a few hours before we see Oupa and Ouma Kotzee. We are looking forward to their visit so much! They will be helping our for four full weeks. They have done it plenty times before and we feel so privileged to have them here. This will be Ouma's fifth visit to us in 13 months - I hope I am making other oumas very jealous that have kids living overseas.

Anyhow, I will be reporting back on the holiday after the 10th of November sometime, hopefully with a little bit of a tan. XXX

A prize-winning speech!

A new friend sent me this via e-mail and I would like to share it with everyone:

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of at American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of
the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.

Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".

iThemba Walk Against Breast cancer

Pictures:Bobbies and my sister Liezel; Bobbies with the t-shirt; Little James doing his bit for breast cancer at 19 months;everybody walking the 5km walk (with apparently about 9993 other people); family pic (James, Mom, Karien, James Jnr., Dad and Liezel);

Well done to my nearest and dearest whom completed the iThemba Walk Against Breast Cancer last Sunday. Five kilometers of fun in the sun! I am very proud of all of you, especially little James that did his bit at the tender age of 19 months!

There are a lot of great organisations that are doing fantastic work to raise funds for various purposes like research or helping with the cost of breast reconstruction. Here in the UK Macmillan is such an organisation. They have a big office at the Harley Street Clinic where I received my chemotherapy. One of the services is a "Look good, feel better" afternoon for woman going through chemo or radiotherapy. (They have the same thing in SA). I am attending my session next week Wednesday and is very excited! They will teach me how to (finally!) apply make-up properly!

I had an appointment with my breast specialist yesterday and everything is set for the operation for 14 November. Beforehand I need to go for some blood tests, a CT scan and x-rays. My oncologist is very impressed with the surgeon and said to me "that his work is very good - every breast is a piece of art!" - we'll see how my piece of art turns out...

But for now we are getting ready for Hugo's photo-day at school tomorrow, our holiday and the arrival of Oupa and Ouma Kotzee - All very exciting stuff!

Breast cancer month

October month is breast cancer awareness month. So, all ladies, sit up and listen! As so many of you, I didn't do regular self breast examinations. Purely because I told myself that I wouldn't know what a lump would feel like. Now I do and believe me you'll know as well if you feel one. Please be aware of any changes, in any shape, form or colour of the breast or nipple - INVESTIGATE! You'll never be able to stop the cancer but you will be able to detect it early, if you are a candidate. And the earlier the detection, the more can be done.

I urge you to do a self examination at least once a month and here is how to (so no more excuses!):

Step 1: Begin by looking at your breasts in the mirror with your shoulders straight and your arms on your hips.

Here's what you should look for:

• Breasts that are their usual size, shape, and color
• Breasts that are evenly shaped without visible distortion or swelling

If you see any of the following changes, bring them to your doctor's attention:

• Dimpling, puckering, or bulging of the skin
• A nipple that has changed position or an inverted nipple (pushed inward instead of sticking out)
• Redness, soreness, rash, or swelling

Breast Self-Exam - Step 1

• Larger Version

Step 2: Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes.

Breast Self-Exam - Steps 2 and 3

• Larger Version

Step 3: While you're at the mirror, look for any signs of fluid coming out of one or both nipples (this could be a watery, milky, or yellow fluid or blood).

Step 4: Next, feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then your left hand to feel your right breast. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few finger pads of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together. Use a circular motion, about the size of a quarter.Cover the entire breast from top to bottom, side to side — from your collarbone to the top of your abdomen, and from your armpit to your cleavage.

Follow a pattern to be sure that you cover the whole breast. You can begin at the nipple, moving in larger and larger circles until you reach the outer edge of the breast. You can also move your fingers up and down vertically, in rows, as if you were mowing a lawn. This up-and-down approach seems to work best for most women. Be sure to feel all the tissue from the front to the back of your breasts: for the skin and tissue just beneath, use light pressure; use medium pressure for tissue in the middle of your breasts; use firm pressure for the deep tissue in the back. When you've reached the deep tissue, you should be able to feel down to your ribcage.

Breast Self-Exam - Step 4

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Step 5: Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to do this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements described in Step 4.

I hope the explanation and pictures will help. If you are worried, feel a lump or see any changes, make an appointment with your doctor immediately. But rest assured that 90% of lumps are benign - lots of times only fluid sacks that can be drained. Remember that one in every nine woman would be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime.

Good luck to all my wonderful family members and their friends that's going to do the breastathon walk this Sunday. I know that this walk is so much more that just the completion of 5km of walking....

Have a wonderful weekend and let’s support all those great causes that help with breast cancer research and treatment.

Breast Self-Exam - Step 5

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A quiet Sunday

(Pictures: Elmarie at the Tower Of London, Bekenscot and its mini stuff, the three of us at Jamie's Italian - GREAT food!)

Today my sister-in-law, Elmarie, had to return home. I almost hid her airfare ticket to keep her here! She was so wonderful with the kids, cooking and doing heaps of washing. We are really going to miss her presence. This morning on our way to church our three year old said that she is on the plane going home and that she is "'n mooi ou dingetjie!" (She is a pretty little thing). We had a good laugh and agreed! We had great fun going to the Tower of London, Jamie Oliver's Jamie's Italian in Canary Wharf, The SA Congregation's bazaar and to Bekonscot (a place with a mini town, mini trains and a wonderful play ground).

It is so amazing how quickly human beings can adapt. Getting used to certain noises, movements and then missing it so much the moment it is gone. Elmarie, thank you so much for everything, we are already missing you!

My recovery after the last chemo is going well and hubby spoiled me again with a dinner and a show on Friday night. We went to see Chicago - the musical. Not bad at all, but not as impressive as Les Mis or Wicked! But we still had a great night out and had coffee at a coffee shop "voted best in London" (don't know according to who? But the cappuccinos were fantastic!)

I am getting ready to try and live life as normal as possible in the next five weeks before the big operation. Although I have to admit that I am going to make a lot of changes with regard to lifestyle - going to give my best at eating well and getting fitter. I realised that I need to take proper responsibility for my illness. I also think that recovery after any type of setback will be quicker if fitness levels are up. So, we'll start with our 'five-a-day' and getting the bodies to move a little more!

Again Andries is spoiling us rotten, taking us on an Egypt beach holiday. We are going to a place called Sharm el Sheikh near the Red Sea. Heaps to do for the kids and lots more for adults. I am so excited I can barely wait!

I hope you all have a great week and remember to spoil yourself also a little bit! God bless!

Last chemo!

Finally the day arrived for the last chemo session. I feel immensely blessed that I was able to get every treatment on schedule as planned. This made it so much easier with everyone coming out from SA to help with the kids and the household. And me being an organizing-freak that suited me well.

The traveling to the clinic this morning (by bus and tube) took forever. But I finally arrived, taking my place in my favorite chair, took the first anti-nausea drugs and got hooked up. So, after about 30 needle pricks and lots of litres of saline, steroids and chemo medicine the last 14 weeks, I AM DONE!!!!!!

As I promised, I took cake. No I didn't bake it myself. My friend Hannelie introduced me to the Thorntons brand of sweets, toffees, fudge and cake - delicious! So, needles to say I got Thorntons fudge / choc / thingemegee cakes. Everyone loved it (myself included).

I would also like to formally thank all the nurses at the daycare centre. They are all so lovely, gentle and professional. I know for them it is only just a job, but if you are traveling the detour road of cancer, their approach can make this journey so much easier. They were all great, but I would not mind mentioning two ladies in particular - Jocelyn and Lyndie. They took turns to administer the drugs and draw blood every week. The two of them are amazing! Thus, I salute all nurses who are doing a great job! Thanks!

Thank you for all your prayers, and messages - as I said before. I would not have been able to travel this road without it. My wonderful husband Andries has been amazing - I love him so much and feel so blessed to have him in my life. Together with our beautiful sons and family and friends - more valuable than all the diamonds Africa can produce!

All the glory goes to our Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit - for smothering me with blessings, love and safety. I am at peace with my situation, has been from the start. I felt save and cared for by Him. Thank you for that Father!

And now, I am going to take a nice, long, hot bath, eat delicious veggie soup and go to bed.

Tower of London and more

The last few days just flew by! I am feeling very good and ready for the last chemo session. Again, there is one blood count that is a bit low, but nothing to stop the bus altogether - I actually feel excited about Wednesday, taking cake to celebrate.

Saturday we went to the Tower of London. Fantastic place with so much history and great stories of heroes and the not so much heroes. We got in for the massive amount of one pound per person. Hugo's teacher and a friend explained that if you live in Tower Hamlets (the municipal area where we live) you only pay one pound. The Tower is also in this area. The weather however didn't play along - windy and cold (at least not windy and wet like most babies...).

On Sunday we went to the Quaystone Christian Church. We are very excited about this congregation. We felt so at home and warm during the service. They also run a bunch of activities and Hugo enjoyed the kiddies part very much. Ivan, well, he snoozed away....

After church we went for a real SA braai with new friends from the new church. It was very nice to chat about SA things and to compare UK notes. Sunday also being our one year anniversary living in London.

At church on Sunday I was again reminded of God's love and grace to each and every person. There was a little baby boy, Nathan, born at only 24 weeks and one day gestation - and he made it! He is such a little fighter and a huge blessing to everyone who prayed for him. If I look at him and his miracle story I know we serve a mighty, great, loving and wonderful God. He is the answer to everything - no matter how big or small the situation. I hope that you will also be able to find peace in Him. XXX

I am going to make it

My recovery after the last chemo has taken a bit longer. The blood counts were low to start off with on Wednesday, so it predicted that I would feel ill a bit longer. I spent most of last week and the weekend in bed just resting. I was really just feeling dizzy and out of energy. I can't wait for this whole regime to be over. To have my energy back again and be a proper mommy, wife and caretaker of the home.

When feeling this lousy the emotional tank also runs low. I like to take long, warm baths and think about a lot of things. Usually this is also the time I miss home, family and friends the most. Also the time when I wonder what the future will hold for me and my beautiful family. The time when I'll cry if I need to. It is not always tears of sorrow. A lot of times it is tears of happiness, joy and because I feel so blessed. This last weekend was no different.

A student I used to teach at Cornwall Hill College sent me the following a few weeks ago:

"May you, when you're soaking wet, lost, hurting and confused, may you cry out and may the creator of the universe take you, may He hold you tight up against His chest, may He wrap His eternal loving arms around you, and may you hear Him whisper...

'I love you buddy. We're gonna make it. Dad knows the way home. We're gonna make it. I love you."

So when I feel a little blue, I hold on to the above - I know I am going to make it. XXX

Who moved my chair?

So, the second last chemo-session is something of the past - jippee!! As usual I made myself comfortable on my favourite chair, the one I told you about in the previous blog-entry. Ready for the session with my Game in my sports bottle and my water. Naturally with my two pieces of buttermilk beskuit. And then it happened! As I came back from a visit to the loo all my things were moved to the opposite chair. The nurse said that she was sure I wouldn't mind and they needed the chair for another patient as it was closest to the ice-cap machine. I shouted - no, no, it is not fine, I feel cool and confident in that chair, no way I am moving. Yes, I only shouted this in my head. My mouth made the movement and sounds that said "it is no problem at all".

In the end it wasn't bad. I felt my usual grey, tired and flushed by the time I got home. It was very nice to be greeted by my all-smiles sister-in-law, Elmarie. It is very good to have her here. She already jumped in and entertained the little ones and made us a superb dinner. I'll have to go for cooking classes after all the spoiling by everyone who's coming out from SA to help us out. I don't know when last I had to cook anything!

I met a very nice lady in the local ASDA shop. Her little girl also goes to Rainbow Playschool with Hugo. We started to chat and a lot of people look at the bandannas on my head with a big question mark on their faces. This is my que to tell them about the breast cancer treatment. She replied by saying that she will pray for me. There were tears in my eyes - not often that you meet a complete stranger in London that's also a christian. I feel so blessed, experiencing all over again that we are serving an amazing God. I truly hope that we will become friends - we can never have enough of those!

I hope that everyone in SA will have a wonderful public holiday and that the weather will also play along!! XXXX

Learning from life

(Photos from the top: Hugo in his Sportacus outfit, Ivan and I at the Museum of Natural History, Ivan sleeping in the toy box, family pic at our house, Hugo and I at the museum, our last lunch before my parents went home)

Forgive me for not spending time on the blog recently. We had such a great time with my parents visiting us, that there simply wasn't time.

As you can predict, it was absolutely wonderful to have my parents in our home for two full weeks. It was a huge blessing. My mom cooked and cleaned. Oupa helping all the way. Together they did a lot of babysitting and played with the children from dawn till dusk. Thank you so much! Andries and I also had lots of free time and used it well to our advantage. It was lovely to show London and all the main touristy things - Big Ben, Parliament buildings, Westminster Abbey, The London Eye, Oxford street. But also the not so big things like our local groceries shop, Hugo's school, the toy shop, the day clinic I go to, the park near the hospital and our big shopping centre. Words can not even begin to describe how much their presence meant to us - this was truly a special two weeks!

Speaking of children, Hugo and Ivan are at an age where they are great entertainers, although they don't really know it. Life can be very hard when you are still small - play, eat, play, sleep, play, annoy your brother, play. Hugo loves to dress up in his Superman suit or his Sportacus outfit (a local hero on the TV in the UK). He is all strong and filled with courage when he dresses up in these clothes. That is until the moment he comes to mommy to wipe his runny nose.Fills my heart to to know that I am still good for some things.....

One evening Andries took Hugo to bed and couldn't find Ivan in his. (He has been sleeping in a normal bed since we moved to the new house and can therefore get on and off as he pleases). That evening, after being put down and thought to have fallen asleep, he decided otherwise. Probably switched on the little touch-light by himself, played with some soft toys and ended up falling asleep inside the toy box. We had a very good laugh!

Andries once read a Financial Times' article, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum. These are the things he learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder.
• Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Most of the time we are so busy teaching our children the above forgetting to apply it to our own lives. I am reading a wonderful series of books from the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency (DSTV is currently running a TV series on this as far as I know). The main character shows a lot of the above qualities and it makes me think so much of my everyday doings. We should really get back to basics when it comes to life. We run around like mad rats to pay and work and play. Missing a lot of wonder, splendour and miracles along our busy routes.

We are very exited about our next visitor. Andries' sister Elmarie is coming to help out from this coming Wednesday. She always spoils us with nice SA goodies - either delivering herself or sending with friends and family.

Wednesday will also be my second last chemo session. I feel so relieved and blessed that everything is going so well. It's a journey filled with miracles. As a family we are learning a lot and is inspired to do more, feel more, think more of the things that are really important in life. We've learned to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow. Because one day at a time is all we can cope with. And now every day is lived to the fullest.