Tower of London and more

The last few days just flew by! I am feeling very good and ready for the last chemo session. Again, there is one blood count that is a bit low, but nothing to stop the bus altogether - I actually feel excited about Wednesday, taking cake to celebrate.

Saturday we went to the Tower of London. Fantastic place with so much history and great stories of heroes and the not so much heroes. We got in for the massive amount of one pound per person. Hugo's teacher and a friend explained that if you live in Tower Hamlets (the municipal area where we live) you only pay one pound. The Tower is also in this area. The weather however didn't play along - windy and cold (at least not windy and wet like most babies...).

On Sunday we went to the Quaystone Christian Church. We are very excited about this congregation. We felt so at home and warm during the service. They also run a bunch of activities and Hugo enjoyed the kiddies part very much. Ivan, well, he snoozed away....

After church we went for a real SA braai with new friends from the new church. It was very nice to chat about SA things and to compare UK notes. Sunday also being our one year anniversary living in London.

At church on Sunday I was again reminded of God's love and grace to each and every person. There was a little baby boy, Nathan, born at only 24 weeks and one day gestation - and he made it! He is such a little fighter and a huge blessing to everyone who prayed for him. If I look at him and his miracle story I know we serve a mighty, great, loving and wonderful God. He is the answer to everything - no matter how big or small the situation. I hope that you will also be able to find peace in Him. XXX

I am going to make it

My recovery after the last chemo has taken a bit longer. The blood counts were low to start off with on Wednesday, so it predicted that I would feel ill a bit longer. I spent most of last week and the weekend in bed just resting. I was really just feeling dizzy and out of energy. I can't wait for this whole regime to be over. To have my energy back again and be a proper mommy, wife and caretaker of the home.

When feeling this lousy the emotional tank also runs low. I like to take long, warm baths and think about a lot of things. Usually this is also the time I miss home, family and friends the most. Also the time when I wonder what the future will hold for me and my beautiful family. The time when I'll cry if I need to. It is not always tears of sorrow. A lot of times it is tears of happiness, joy and because I feel so blessed. This last weekend was no different.

A student I used to teach at Cornwall Hill College sent me the following a few weeks ago:

"May you, when you're soaking wet, lost, hurting and confused, may you cry out and may the creator of the universe take you, may He hold you tight up against His chest, may He wrap His eternal loving arms around you, and may you hear Him whisper...

'I love you buddy. We're gonna make it. Dad knows the way home. We're gonna make it. I love you."

So when I feel a little blue, I hold on to the above - I know I am going to make it. XXX

Who moved my chair?

So, the second last chemo-session is something of the past - jippee!! As usual I made myself comfortable on my favourite chair, the one I told you about in the previous blog-entry. Ready for the session with my Game in my sports bottle and my water. Naturally with my two pieces of buttermilk beskuit. And then it happened! As I came back from a visit to the loo all my things were moved to the opposite chair. The nurse said that she was sure I wouldn't mind and they needed the chair for another patient as it was closest to the ice-cap machine. I shouted - no, no, it is not fine, I feel cool and confident in that chair, no way I am moving. Yes, I only shouted this in my head. My mouth made the movement and sounds that said "it is no problem at all".

In the end it wasn't bad. I felt my usual grey, tired and flushed by the time I got home. It was very nice to be greeted by my all-smiles sister-in-law, Elmarie. It is very good to have her here. She already jumped in and entertained the little ones and made us a superb dinner. I'll have to go for cooking classes after all the spoiling by everyone who's coming out from SA to help us out. I don't know when last I had to cook anything!

I met a very nice lady in the local ASDA shop. Her little girl also goes to Rainbow Playschool with Hugo. We started to chat and a lot of people look at the bandannas on my head with a big question mark on their faces. This is my que to tell them about the breast cancer treatment. She replied by saying that she will pray for me. There were tears in my eyes - not often that you meet a complete stranger in London that's also a christian. I feel so blessed, experiencing all over again that we are serving an amazing God. I truly hope that we will become friends - we can never have enough of those!

I hope that everyone in SA will have a wonderful public holiday and that the weather will also play along!! XXXX

Learning from life

(Photos from the top: Hugo in his Sportacus outfit, Ivan and I at the Museum of Natural History, Ivan sleeping in the toy box, family pic at our house, Hugo and I at the museum, our last lunch before my parents went home)

Forgive me for not spending time on the blog recently. We had such a great time with my parents visiting us, that there simply wasn't time.

As you can predict, it was absolutely wonderful to have my parents in our home for two full weeks. It was a huge blessing. My mom cooked and cleaned. Oupa helping all the way. Together they did a lot of babysitting and played with the children from dawn till dusk. Thank you so much! Andries and I also had lots of free time and used it well to our advantage. It was lovely to show London and all the main touristy things - Big Ben, Parliament buildings, Westminster Abbey, The London Eye, Oxford street. But also the not so big things like our local groceries shop, Hugo's school, the toy shop, the day clinic I go to, the park near the hospital and our big shopping centre. Words can not even begin to describe how much their presence meant to us - this was truly a special two weeks!

Speaking of children, Hugo and Ivan are at an age where they are great entertainers, although they don't really know it. Life can be very hard when you are still small - play, eat, play, sleep, play, annoy your brother, play. Hugo loves to dress up in his Superman suit or his Sportacus outfit (a local hero on the TV in the UK). He is all strong and filled with courage when he dresses up in these clothes. That is until the moment he comes to mommy to wipe his runny nose.Fills my heart to to know that I am still good for some things.....

One evening Andries took Hugo to bed and couldn't find Ivan in his. (He has been sleeping in a normal bed since we moved to the new house and can therefore get on and off as he pleases). That evening, after being put down and thought to have fallen asleep, he decided otherwise. Probably switched on the little touch-light by himself, played with some soft toys and ended up falling asleep inside the toy box. We had a very good laugh!

Andries once read a Financial Times' article, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum. These are the things he learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder.
• Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Most of the time we are so busy teaching our children the above forgetting to apply it to our own lives. I am reading a wonderful series of books from the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency (DSTV is currently running a TV series on this as far as I know). The main character shows a lot of the above qualities and it makes me think so much of my everyday doings. We should really get back to basics when it comes to life. We run around like mad rats to pay and work and play. Missing a lot of wonder, splendour and miracles along our busy routes.

We are very exited about our next visitor. Andries' sister Elmarie is coming to help out from this coming Wednesday. She always spoils us with nice SA goodies - either delivering herself or sending with friends and family.

Wednesday will also be my second last chemo session. I feel so relieved and blessed that everything is going so well. It's a journey filled with miracles. As a family we are learning a lot and is inspired to do more, feel more, think more of the things that are really important in life. We've learned to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow. Because one day at a time is all we can cope with. And now every day is lived to the fullest.

My Lazyboy chair

Some pictures: left, our dear friends, the Lotze and us having a last dinner together

2) Kids eating ice cream on the trampoline (we had silence for a few moments!)

3) Andries with very tired boys Ivan on his lap and Hugo next to him

4) Pics of our wonderful care group who helped clean the flat before our move to the new house (I know I know, old news, just new picks!)

The very first time I went for chemo I picked out a chair. A nice maroon colour Lazyboy chair. Ever since that day I go and sit in the same chair for the administering of each session of the chemo drugs. When I go for blood tests I pick other chairs. Why do you think that is? I am not afraid of change but feel content, comfortable and brave in this specific Lazyboy. My space next to a bright big window. In a way it is a symbol of hope, of getting better very soon. A giant teddy bear hugging me.

Today was number six out of eight. I feel so happy that I am 75% there. I saw the oncologist yesterday and she feels very confident about the shrinking lump. According to her I am responding very well to the chemo. I feel so blessed to be under her care. She is a brilliant doctor and so concerned about my well being - physically and emotionally. We'll know for sure about the lump after tests when the chemo is complete.

It was with a sad heart that we had to say goodbye to very dear friends - Francois, Liezel, Anya and Karla. They are on their way back to SA after 10 years in the UK. First they had a great holiday touring through France and Spain and ending their holiday in Mauritius - yes, life can be hard... ;-). The Lord has blessed us immensely with these people. We are going to miss them so much! And if you ever need information about on a great day out in London or where to stay in the UK for holiday, Liezel is a fantastic source of information - she knows all there is to know! But we wish them well and hope the return to SA will be as smooth as possible!

But it is with very happy hearts that we are enjoying every moment of my parent's visits. They are working hard and I appreciate everything that they are doing to help me in the process of getting better. This coming weekend we will show them a bit more of the hustle and bustle of London.

Thanks again for all the messages of hope, good luck and well wishes. It warms my heart and spirit and is definitely helping to get me better! XXX

It's Christmas, again!

It's Christmas again! My mom and dad are on their way for a two week visit (well, under visit you must understand: play with kids, taking Hugo to playgroup, babysit, cook, clean and get Lourika better). We are very excited for them! This will be their first overseas trip ever. I think the journey from the airport to the house will probably blow them away!

I feel very privileged to have all these people coming from SA to help with the kids and the household. As I stated previously - there is just no way I would have been able to do and cope so well with the chemo, side effects and the emotional stuff if it weren't for family and friends that just gave up time, money and (lots of!) energy. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I went in for some blood tests yesterday to see if my body is recovering well after the first administration of Taxol. And I passed the test. I feel so blessed that after every chemo the white blood cells are doing their job. I have to admit that the injection I receive every Friday after the Wednesday chemo is doing all the hard work.

Hugo starts playgroup again this coming Monday. Good for him, bad for me if he is going to bring home all his friend's germs. Lets all keep our fingers crossed that I will stay healthy for the last three session with no "glitches" in the road. But I am excited for him. He is really looking forward to go to Rainbow Playgroup!

Well, let the weekend hit the road - lots to do and see before my Wednesday date with Harley street cancer clinic. XXXXX

My 3rd Argus

This week feels as if I completed my third Argus Cycle Race - aches and pains all over! I can clearly remember the day after my first Argus - my knees hurt so much I could barely walk. This week I feel the same, though every day is 100% better then the previous.

This round of chemo, and for the next three rounds, I am receiving Taxol. One of the main side effects are aching or pain in joints and muscles. Luckily, only for a few days. The other side effect, numbness or tingling in hands and feet worry me more, because those can take up to a few months to go away. But these are all temporary.

Last Saturday I met a four year old little boy, Owen. All friendly and smiles. Owen had a brain tumor that was removed and is currently receiving very intense chemo. He has to be in hospital for this. My heart wanted to break into a million pieces when I listened to his mom telling his story. He is doing well, but each new day holds new information and a lot of times not so good. It was then that I realised that I'd rather travel this road myself then to see one of my children go through this. And yet, we have no control over this. It can happen to anyone at any time.

That is why it is so important to be sensitive, all the time. You never know what someone is going through unless you walked a day in their shoes. This cancer road has definitely taught me that.

I hope everyone in sunny South Africa is having a fantastic spring day. And that the good weather for the day will be an indication of a blissful summer lying ahead! Enjoy every moment!