D-day no. 2

D-day no. 2 came and went without much ho-ha. And up until now I just feel a bit tired and not in the mood for food. I assume, as with the previous session, the side effects will only kick in over / after the weekend. The doctor reduced one part of the chemo drugs and hopefully that will help with side effects as well. My hair also started falling out yesterday. And I have to say, I am not feeling as emotional about it as I thought I would. I think it is because the biggest part of me wants to get well and healthy, never mind no hair - it will all grow back and apparently even thicker and nicer than before.... And today there are such nice scarves and beanies not to mention wigs! Maybe I should get a different colour and style for each day of the week.

But I want to go back a few days. I went with Hugo to Paradise Park. A nice place for young and old with lions, tigers, farm animals, owls and a lot more to see not even to mention all the things to do! The highlight of my toddler's day? A ride on Thomas the Tank Engine through the "jungle", with man-made animals that make (or rather trying to..) scary sounds over loudspeakers. That is all he is talking about... But, it was a great trip and one I especially found worth our while.

In the meantime we are packing and getting ready for the move to the new house. I am very excited - four bedrooms and a nice garden. Then I will feel much better for finally giving Ouma Ronel her own bedroom instead of a sleeping spot on the living room floor!

This weekend there is also a South African festival, Immergroen, typically like Aardklop. There is a bunch of South African artists and melktert, koeksisters and biltong on sale. If I feel well enough, we will definitely showing our faces there!

A wonderful friend, Géne (a fantastic English teacher at Affies!), wrote me this poem:

LOURIKA
Passionate, Devoted
Laughing, Chattering, Caring
Her eyes sparkles when she shares her dreams
Inspirational!!!!!!!! (This type of poem is called a Cinquin)

Thank you Géne, is it a great gift and one I carry in my heart every day!

I want to end of by sharing a beautiful verse I found in Rom 8:18 (forgive me for the free translation) - "I know for certain that our current suffering can not even be compared to the glory with which God is going to surprise us". Isn't that such a special promise?

PS. The photos are of our precious boys, Ivan (no. 1&3) and Hugo (no. 2&4) taken by my wonderful friend Anne-Marié on our resent visit to SA.

Christmas in July

Today feels like Christmas day! Christmas father is sending us another miracle worker - my mom-in-law. I feel so privileged to have her in my life. She is a never ending source of kindness, love and motivation. She is wonderful with the children and cooks the most amazing food. Her coming to help us is really a great gift!

The last couple of days went well. On Wednesday I had to go for blood tests (which I failed) and again on Friday (which I passed!! Yippee!!). So, for now we are on track to do the second chemo session this coming Wednesday. I feel good and healthy, except for a nagging throat and a runny nose.

But before we book in for the chemo session we need to look at our jam-packed week ahead. Hugo and I are going to the Wild Animal Park with the school on Monday, Tuesday it is picnic time in the park, Wednesday a class party and Thursday a play session at the local soft play area. And in between we need to pack and then the move to the new house on Friday - boy will our minds be taken off the chemo session!

The Lord is blessing us every single day with angles at work on earth. Last night new friends (a co-worker of Andries) bought us the most delicious meal and we had such a nice evening. For all of us there are "miracle-workers". We just need to allow them to do their work in our lives in peace.....

Breast Cancer 101

A lot of people are asking me about the cancer and I have realised that I haven’t explained properly (the teacher in me….)

I have what they would like to call Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC). It is a very common type of breast cancer. It starts developing in the milk ducts of your breast, but breaks out of the duct tubes, and invades, or infiltrates, surrounding tissues. IDC is not a well-contained cancer. IDC has the potential to invade your lymph and blood systems, spreading cancer cells to other parts of your body. If IDC spreads beyond its original site, we say it has metastasized. IDC is the most commonly diagnosed breast cancer. Invasive ductal carcinoma accounts for about 8 out of 10 of all invasive breast cancers.

I work with a “treatment team”. A bunch of very clever people that decides on the best route to recovery. As a team they decided to first do chemo, then the mastectomy and reconstruction and if necessary radio therapy.

What is chemo? It is a form of treatment that uses anti-cancer (cytotoxic) drugs. It destroys any cancer cells that may have spread from the original tumour to other parts of the body. Also known as systemic treatment because the whole body is exposed to the drugs. With routine scans cancer in other body parts may be identified, but not the nitty gritty ones on a micro scale.

Why not the mastectomy first? The breast specialist likes to get the “cancer under control” and also to prevent the risk of infection after the operation. On a psychological level I also think (for me anyway) the chemo-first approach is the best.

At this point in time we are going to opt for a mastectomy and reconstruction in the same operation after completing the chemo treatment. The specialist will perform a LD flap. This operation involves moving a large muscle (latissimus dorsi) from your back. The flap and its blood supply are tunnelled under the skin just below the armpit. It is then put into position to make a new breast shape. The operation is referred to as a latissimus dorsi flap (LD flap).
I went for some blood work today to see if the chemo drugs are doing their job. Everyday there are different symptoms – from feeling like I have a hangover to food tasting differently. Even chocolates are not the same….. Hopefully signs that I am passing the blood tests!
Thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate all the support, love and prayers SO MUCH!! Even if I don’t even know you.

A Grey day

Today the weather in London is grey - and my heart feels the same. Today I feel and look grey. It's a bad hair day, a bad outfit day, a bad emotional day!

I think the first chemo session went well, although I have nothing to compare it with. I have a massive headache the whole time, I feel exhausted after going to buy bread and milk and I want to sleep all day. Yet, I feel so lucky..... Lucky for finding the lump "in time", lucky to have beautiful children, lucky to have friends and family that are looking after me and our household, lucky to have one more day.....

I know I am just a bit emotional today and usually I get over it quickly. I just can't help to wonder where this road is leading? I hear and read so many success stories, but also hear of very brave woman that needed to conquer this dreadful decease three times. Three times, can you imagine that!! I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself - one day at a time. That is what I promised myself - one day at a time. And also to enjoy what that day is holding. Some days it is going to be high tea at The Ritz in London with a fantastic friend, or it might just be to be able to build blocks with my one year old and watch his new teeth or listening to him singing "row, row, row, row" (that is for row, row, row your boat...).

Life is made up of so many precious moments, we must never be willing to give up on any. And sometimes, the harder times makes the better times so much sweeter.

D-day aftermath

The first day after chemo went very well. I felt sleepy and a bit queasy - I think that is all the medication I've received. So I spend a lot of the day in bed, recuperating!

Hugo and Ivan had a great day. My friend Liezel, together with a friend Laura, took the boys and two girls to Mudchute Farm, to have a look at all the animals, even llamas! And thereafter to the park next door. They came home with all the evidence of a great day out - dirty feet, dirty hands and dirty clothes. Thanks Liezel and Laura!!

But tonight I am also shocked and saddened. A pupil whom I used to teach were diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago - still in her very early twenties. She had the operation and the chemo, but not the proper reconstruction because medical aids in SA don't pay for cosmetic surgery. And this is my message - do self breast examinations on a regular basis, even if you are still young! The earlier they detect the cancer, the better the prognoses. If you however feel a lump rest assured that 90% of the time it is benign.

Very dear friends from our care group gave me a DVD by Louie Giglio - "HOPE, When Life Hurts Most". A great message of hope. And the bottom line: In this world we will have trouble, but Jesus have overcome this world. Christianity is not the key to a great life on earth. But Jesus said: "I have told you all these things, so that in me you may have piece". Remember, God allows freedom but ALWAYS remain in control.

D-day is over (almost...)

(Left with little Ivan giving Mommy lots of hugs, not kisses yet)

D-day wasn't that bad at all! When I arrived the nursing staff showed me my "spot". On a very nice lazy-boy chair. Then I got my first pill to drink (for nausea), one hour before the first drugs were administered. After that I got the cold cap to put on. This should be in place 45 minutes before the first chemo drugs are given and should stay on your head for two and a half hours after the last meds were given. The ice pack was horrible - very cold, very uncomfortable. I doubt if I am going to put it on next time. If I were to go on with the pack, this will be procedure for the next three sessions. No guarantee however that it works to keep the hair on my head for longer. The drugs I will be receiving with session five, six and seven will result in losing my hair in any way....

(On the right I am sitting with the ice cap. Looks like I am on my way to a cycle race.....)

I got to choose from a menu my drinks, eats and treats for the day. I also received a foot massage - wonderful!

The administration of the chemo meds were over very quickly and painless. Andries and I left the clinic at 16:00 UK time and arrived home to find our very happy children - what a blessing! I took a bath, had some tea and will probably be in dream land soon. They gave me a bag FULL of anti-nausea medicine and I will definitely be taking them all. On Friday morning Andries must give me a shot. This is to help the blood cells recover and to boost immunity. Thus, getting better faster in between sessions to be able to receive chemo every two weeks.

Our good friends Francois and Liezel gave me an Ipod Shuffle for my birthday. I was listening to beautiful music for most of the time. The staff is extremely professional and so friendly. It is really so good to be able to get the chemo at this clinic.

So, for the next day or three I will most likely be in bed - getting well. Thank you so much for all the prayers (don't stop!!), SMSe and messages. I appreciate it SO much!!

Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony". I praise the Lord for a good day and HEAPS of HOPE!!!!

D-day

It is D-day. I struggled to fall asleep last night. And finally drifted off thinking of my boys. And today, while the cocktail is being pumped into my body, I'll do the same - think of my boys.

Andries bought me a new pair of pink casual Nike shoes - to make the road a bit more comfortable..... I am also going to wear a bright sundress. And I'll wear nice lipstick, like the lady in the movie "Lipstick (Why I wore lipstick yo my mastectomy)".

I am off now. Knowing that the Lord loves me so much that He gave His only son to die on a cross, also for me. There is no way He is going to leave me for even one second!