Whoopedee...It is February!

Photos: Andries and the boys went to the Science museum to give mommy the day off; the hair is growing-growing-growing; boys taking a 'play-break' with some popcorn; Ivan the artist, the boys playing in the snow.

I am so happy that February is well under way. January has been a long and depressing month for me. I think it is because everyone went home, Christmas trees and lights have been put away, the days are still cold, short and dark and there was snow. Now the snow is usually magical, especially if you're from Africa. But the truth is it is magical when it falls and for a few hours after, then it becomes slush and icy and slippery and a little dangerous.

I am feeling OK, struggling a bit with lower back pain and the cuts from the operation also hurts every now and then. The back pain is from having to lift our little 13kg-mer into his car seat, in and out of shopping trolleys and every now and then we just have to change his nappy.... Other muscles are working harder and in different ways to make up for the loss of 100% commitment from the left arm. But we'll get there. Every day the pain and aces are better than the previous day.

My oncologist have now decided to definitely put me on the drug Tamoxifen. This is to prevent breast cancer from returning to the healthy breast. If I cope well with the side effects I'll be using this for at least the next two years (usually the prescription is for five years). She is very satisfied with the "progress and getting better" after the chemo. She is not very fond as to send patients for bunches of scans every month or three. She is afraid of the amount of radiation that the patient is exposed to. She prefers routine blood-work and examinations. I feel lucky that she has good contacts in SA (she was there just last week) for I will need a new doctor once we return to SA.

My hair is starting to grow much more, I almost need a trim at the back and around the ears. And slowly but surely I can feel that I am getting further away from the last chemo session and the aftermath of the operation. The other day I was working through photos from our time here in London, also looking at the chemo and cancer ones. It still feels so surreal, so far away, almost as if it never happened. The only traces of that time my short hair and the cuts on my body.

Andries went on a well-deserved skiing holiday with good friends. He really had his work cut out for him the last eight months - at the office and at home. I'll let you know if I survived the "at-home-alone-with-kids-in-tow".....

We are looking forward to our SA visit very much. It is so nice to start preparing for this time. I am looking forward to the sunshine the most! Not to mention the braaivleis and boerewors dinners that are awaiting us.

As mentioned in the previous blog entry, we are having a "thank-you" picnic in Roodepoort on the 7th of March. If you've been following the blog, we would love to see you there. Please send me an e-mail at lourika.kotzee@gmail.com for you invitation.

I've just finished Lance Armstrong's book 'It's not about the bike - My journey back to life'. It touched me deeply, and I predict that it would any cancer patient. This book has been so good to me on an emotional level. Lance is extremely positive, wonderfully encouraging and the best of all, straightforward. Although we don't share the same religious views, we do share the cancer journey and the 'getting-your-life-back' part. We are all going to face death one day, one way or another. In Lance's words: "But I think we are supposed to face it (death) straightforwardly, armed with nothing but courage. And courage being the quality of spirit that enables one to encounter danger with firmness and without fear". I hope you will be able to face all of life's challenges head-on, firm and without fear.

On our way to SA...jip-jip horaaay!!

Our family is (almost!) on our way to South Africa for a visit and work for Andries. We are super-excited about this! Can't wait to see all the family and friends.

During this time we would like to make use of the opportunity to say thank you to everyone, for all the love, support and prayers these last eight months. We will be having a get-together Sunday (late-morning) 7 March in Roodepoort. If you've been reading this blog, we would love to meet you at this special occasion. Please send me an e-mail at lourika.kotzee@gmail.com for your invitation.

Hope you are enjoying the sunshine (and rain!) of South Africa - in London it is warming up, to about 7 degrees.....

Take care!

The big bang!

Photos: The birthday cake; our family just before Christmas; Hugo & me; my mom & me.

So 2010 started with a big bang - new year's eve party next to the River Thames, dealing with cold and icy weather, saying good buy to my mom and our big boy turning four on the third of January.

Hugo ordered a space ship birthday cake and between my mom, Andries and myself we managed a ship that even Ivan could recognise as one that can go to space - a South African one!

The start of a new year also symbolises the start of many new things. I felt so overwhelmed with Hugo's birthday and realised that every birthday of the ones I love most is also going to be a celebration of me being in remission. I rejoice and thank the Lord every day for His grace and miracle of healing - it was the biggest and best Christmas present ever!

I also had my first haircut after the chemo. The hair is growing nicely, but the top halve was all fluffy and looked 'burnt' from the chemo medicine. Now that the damaged parts are off, we can start a new mop of hair in this new year.

I also saw my breast specialist today. He is very pleased at how the wounds are healing and is very satisfied with how the new breast is 'shaping' into place. I still have a few aces and pains now and again and struggle to get a comfortable position to sleep in, but everyday I feel better and every day I can move the left arm a little bit more. I have a very mild case of lymphedema, very natural only a few weeks after the operation. This is the swelling of the arm after the lymph nodes have been removed. The body's lymphatic system needs to 'search' for new pathways to do drainage now that those 18 nodes have been removed. But the swelling is so mild, I can for example wear my watch and wedding ring, but it sits very tight. And if all goes well, this condition will be over in a few months. We've also decided that I will start with the drug Tamoxifen after seeing my oncologist in February. If the side-effects are very bad and not manageable, I'll just go off the drug. If however there are only little side-effects, this drug can be of great benefit.

I am very excited about this new year in my life. Andries and I are planning a lot of stuff to do and see. Some of it was on the list at the beginning of 2009 which turned out very differently than we planned. But that is life and we can only do one day at a time. Both of us said "no regrets to anything in 2010". I hope you also have a great, prosperous, blessed 2010. I hope that you will do wonderful and eventful things. I hope that in 2010 you will also have no regrets!

White Christmas? Maybe!

(Photo: The six of us before Oupa and Ouma had to leave for Heathrow.)

I can't believe it's been almost 10 days since the last blog-entry. So much has happened!

First of all, I still need to pinch myself every now and then to make sure I am not dreaming. I am in remission and don't need radiotherapy! I feel happy and light-hearted. So enormously blessed. Make no mistake, I still have my moments - like two nights ago. All of a sudden I felt all panicky -What if it comes back in a few years? What about my young children? How do we explain this to them? But then I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that nobody knows what lies ahead, not even for tomorrow. And yet again I needed to make a decision that fear will not get the better part of me. If we constantly live in fear it is going to steal our joy for life - I am not going to allow that! I can't control life. I can't control breast cancer. I can't always control how I feel. I CAN control how I am going to react to it.

It was with great sadness and tears that we had to leave my parents-in-law at Heathrow to return to their own home. We miss them so much. Yet again they were such a huge blessing to all of us for a whole month. They arrived back in sunny SA on the 16th, in time for my mom-in-law's birthday. She is a sassy, hip 60! Although they just missed the snow in London, I am sure they will not miss the cold.

But there were also tears of joy. My mom arrived on the day Andries' parents had to leave. So we have a representative from SA for Christmas and new year. It is so nice! And seeing that I don't have to go for radiotherapy, we can spend the time catching up!

Hugo had his last day of play school for 2009 on Wednesday. They were treated to lovely party food and a entertainer, dressed as one of Santa's elves. At the end of the session the kids were sent home with all their artwork in a nice big bundle. Everyone, except Hugo. He just refused to do any artwork and being at a play school, they force no one. So, the big project for this break is to do some painting and colouring. Out with the big "arts-and-crafts"-box..... Messy, messy...

It is almost Christmas and it seems that we might just have a white one. I hope that you all will be able to wind down at this time of year. Also take your deep breaths and count your blessings. Make time and effort to the nearest and dearest to your heart. Remember to say your "thank yous" and lots of "I love yous". Merry Christmas and may 2010 be a very special, blessed year for all.

No radiotherapy

It's been one week and one day since we've received our fantastic news. I saw the breast surgeon yesterday and he thought that no radiotherapy was needed. But, he wanted the opinion of Mr. Plowman (and as my father-in-law pointed out, luckily the breast surgeon was a Mr. Carpenter and not a Mr. Plowman!). Mr. Plowman is a radiologist and I was lucky to get an appointment on very short notice. After examining me he also confirmed that radiotherapy wasn't necessary. I feel very lucky, as radiotherapy also has it's own set of side-effects.

Mr. Carpenter would like me to go on a drug called Tamoxifen. Tamoxifen is an antagonist of the estrogen receptor in breast tissue. It is standard therapy for hormone-positive early breast cancer. The good news is that my breast cancer wasn't hormone-driven. My estrogen tested "weak positive, smaller than 10%". The down-side, if I have to take the drug, is that you have to take it for five years and the side-effects are the same as early menopause. My oncologist, Dr. Jones feels it is not necessary to take the drug - I am keeping fingers crossed for her verdict!

All is well on the home front. Andries had his year-end function and Ouma and Oupa went up the Gherkin building today (we know someone in high places - she works way up in this 40-floor building). And tomorrow they are going for some 'high tea' at The Ritz.

We had our last care-group meeting for the year. We had a nice dinner and exchanged gifts. We also had to list the things we are grateful for in the year 2009. Mine is obvious, I got my life back. As I listened to the rest of the group I realised that we need to be grateful for the little things in life just as much as the life-changing, earth-shattering things. Because life is made up by the little things. Little things happening every day. I am so grateful that my detour life-journey is back on track because now I can get back on focusing on those little things - building puzzles, decorating the Christmas tree, going for a walk. Rejoice with me, in the small things in life!

My Miracle

Today is a day of big celebrations! Today I've received my fourth miracle - Andries was my first, Hugo the second and Ivan the third.

Elmarie, Andries' sister, greeted me this morning with Heb 10:23 "Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep His promise" - and I just knew today was going to be magical!

12 May 2009 I was diagnosed with Grade 3, Stage 2, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, which has also spread to the lymph nodes under my left arm. Today, 1 December 2009 I've received my miracle news - I am in 'pathological complete remission'. The pathologist couldn't find any cancer in the tissue they've removed from the mastectomy. I am blessed, because this happens to only about 10% of patients.

We serve an AMAZING, LOVING God. A God of miracles. This I believe with my whole heart. I also believe in the power of prayer and that the Lord listened to every word from every prayer by every person for healing and health. Thank you for putting me and my family on your prayer list!

Last night, while I was struggling to fall a sleep, listening to music on my iPod, I asked the Lord to give London sunshine today if I was going to get good news. When I woke up, the sun was shining so bright, after days of pouring rain. The sun was out the whole day! This was my sign, straight from heaven!

Shout to the Lord, all the earth
Let us sing.
Power and majesty, praise to the king.
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of your name
I sing for joy at the works of your hands
Forever I'll love you, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you !!!!

And tomorrow, please say thank you with me, for this miracle of healing in my life!

Two weeks and counting

It's been little over two weeks since the mastectomy and reconstruction. Everyday I can do more and move the left arm more. I often hear that 'time heals everything' and I figure in this case it will be the same. In between I am enjoying all the flowers and messages received from all over the world - thank you all so much!There are still a lot of bruises and stitches. I will see the surgeon tomorrow and he will probably remove the stitches and give an update.

It also feels quite 'tight' in the area that they worked. The part that is most uncomfortable is under the arm where they removed 20 lymph nodes. But I was prepared for this as the textbook gives lots of good advise. With this cancer-journey I decided to pick two or three books and stick to those regarding information. One I found very useful in particular is 'Breast Cancer for Dummies'. It explains a bunch of stuff in ordinary English, although this is an American publication (the breast care nurse advised me to steer away from anything American regarding information, especially on the Internet!)

Another reason for my appointment tomorrow is to talk about the pathology report. I am nervous about the outcome. The bottom line is this: the more lymph nodes involved (cancerous) the more the likelihood of recurrence. There are lots of stats available and I know I need to look at these for what they are, just stats. And I am me, not just a piece of statistics. I also have an appointment with my oncologist and we will discuss the steps we need to take next.

But, we are not sitting bundled-up in a corner and worry about report-results! My parents-in-law went to The Royal Albert Hall last night to attend a Salvation Army Christmas Concert - they loved it! Andries was privileged enough to receive a ticket to the Chelsea VS Arsenal football match yesterday afternoon - also a great experience. Hopefully next time there will be two tickets... Hugo and I are making Christmas cards for his class mates and getting everything ready for next week's jam-packed 'Christmas-week' at school, which will be filled with parties, a kiddies entertainer, playing at the Tiller soft play area and gifts from Christmas father. Then it is holiday time (again!) and he will return to school on the 4th of January, the day after his fourth birthday.

And in between all of this? We are enjoying the Christmas feel all around us! And I am going for an eye brow shape session - it is amazing how fast hair can grow!