White Christmas? Maybe!

(Photo: The six of us before Oupa and Ouma had to leave for Heathrow.)

I can't believe it's been almost 10 days since the last blog-entry. So much has happened!

First of all, I still need to pinch myself every now and then to make sure I am not dreaming. I am in remission and don't need radiotherapy! I feel happy and light-hearted. So enormously blessed. Make no mistake, I still have my moments - like two nights ago. All of a sudden I felt all panicky -What if it comes back in a few years? What about my young children? How do we explain this to them? But then I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that nobody knows what lies ahead, not even for tomorrow. And yet again I needed to make a decision that fear will not get the better part of me. If we constantly live in fear it is going to steal our joy for life - I am not going to allow that! I can't control life. I can't control breast cancer. I can't always control how I feel. I CAN control how I am going to react to it.

It was with great sadness and tears that we had to leave my parents-in-law at Heathrow to return to their own home. We miss them so much. Yet again they were such a huge blessing to all of us for a whole month. They arrived back in sunny SA on the 16th, in time for my mom-in-law's birthday. She is a sassy, hip 60! Although they just missed the snow in London, I am sure they will not miss the cold.

But there were also tears of joy. My mom arrived on the day Andries' parents had to leave. So we have a representative from SA for Christmas and new year. It is so nice! And seeing that I don't have to go for radiotherapy, we can spend the time catching up!

Hugo had his last day of play school for 2009 on Wednesday. They were treated to lovely party food and a entertainer, dressed as one of Santa's elves. At the end of the session the kids were sent home with all their artwork in a nice big bundle. Everyone, except Hugo. He just refused to do any artwork and being at a play school, they force no one. So, the big project for this break is to do some painting and colouring. Out with the big "arts-and-crafts"-box..... Messy, messy...

It is almost Christmas and it seems that we might just have a white one. I hope that you all will be able to wind down at this time of year. Also take your deep breaths and count your blessings. Make time and effort to the nearest and dearest to your heart. Remember to say your "thank yous" and lots of "I love yous". Merry Christmas and may 2010 be a very special, blessed year for all.

No radiotherapy

It's been one week and one day since we've received our fantastic news. I saw the breast surgeon yesterday and he thought that no radiotherapy was needed. But, he wanted the opinion of Mr. Plowman (and as my father-in-law pointed out, luckily the breast surgeon was a Mr. Carpenter and not a Mr. Plowman!). Mr. Plowman is a radiologist and I was lucky to get an appointment on very short notice. After examining me he also confirmed that radiotherapy wasn't necessary. I feel very lucky, as radiotherapy also has it's own set of side-effects.

Mr. Carpenter would like me to go on a drug called Tamoxifen. Tamoxifen is an antagonist of the estrogen receptor in breast tissue. It is standard therapy for hormone-positive early breast cancer. The good news is that my breast cancer wasn't hormone-driven. My estrogen tested "weak positive, smaller than 10%". The down-side, if I have to take the drug, is that you have to take it for five years and the side-effects are the same as early menopause. My oncologist, Dr. Jones feels it is not necessary to take the drug - I am keeping fingers crossed for her verdict!

All is well on the home front. Andries had his year-end function and Ouma and Oupa went up the Gherkin building today (we know someone in high places - she works way up in this 40-floor building). And tomorrow they are going for some 'high tea' at The Ritz.

We had our last care-group meeting for the year. We had a nice dinner and exchanged gifts. We also had to list the things we are grateful for in the year 2009. Mine is obvious, I got my life back. As I listened to the rest of the group I realised that we need to be grateful for the little things in life just as much as the life-changing, earth-shattering things. Because life is made up by the little things. Little things happening every day. I am so grateful that my detour life-journey is back on track because now I can get back on focusing on those little things - building puzzles, decorating the Christmas tree, going for a walk. Rejoice with me, in the small things in life!

My Miracle

Today is a day of big celebrations! Today I've received my fourth miracle - Andries was my first, Hugo the second and Ivan the third.

Elmarie, Andries' sister, greeted me this morning with Heb 10:23 "Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep His promise" - and I just knew today was going to be magical!

12 May 2009 I was diagnosed with Grade 3, Stage 2, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, which has also spread to the lymph nodes under my left arm. Today, 1 December 2009 I've received my miracle news - I am in 'pathological complete remission'. The pathologist couldn't find any cancer in the tissue they've removed from the mastectomy. I am blessed, because this happens to only about 10% of patients.

We serve an AMAZING, LOVING God. A God of miracles. This I believe with my whole heart. I also believe in the power of prayer and that the Lord listened to every word from every prayer by every person for healing and health. Thank you for putting me and my family on your prayer list!

Last night, while I was struggling to fall a sleep, listening to music on my iPod, I asked the Lord to give London sunshine today if I was going to get good news. When I woke up, the sun was shining so bright, after days of pouring rain. The sun was out the whole day! This was my sign, straight from heaven!

Shout to the Lord, all the earth
Let us sing.
Power and majesty, praise to the king.
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of your name
I sing for joy at the works of your hands
Forever I'll love you, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you !!!!

And tomorrow, please say thank you with me, for this miracle of healing in my life!

Two weeks and counting

It's been little over two weeks since the mastectomy and reconstruction. Everyday I can do more and move the left arm more. I often hear that 'time heals everything' and I figure in this case it will be the same. In between I am enjoying all the flowers and messages received from all over the world - thank you all so much!There are still a lot of bruises and stitches. I will see the surgeon tomorrow and he will probably remove the stitches and give an update.

It also feels quite 'tight' in the area that they worked. The part that is most uncomfortable is under the arm where they removed 20 lymph nodes. But I was prepared for this as the textbook gives lots of good advise. With this cancer-journey I decided to pick two or three books and stick to those regarding information. One I found very useful in particular is 'Breast Cancer for Dummies'. It explains a bunch of stuff in ordinary English, although this is an American publication (the breast care nurse advised me to steer away from anything American regarding information, especially on the Internet!)

Another reason for my appointment tomorrow is to talk about the pathology report. I am nervous about the outcome. The bottom line is this: the more lymph nodes involved (cancerous) the more the likelihood of recurrence. There are lots of stats available and I know I need to look at these for what they are, just stats. And I am me, not just a piece of statistics. I also have an appointment with my oncologist and we will discuss the steps we need to take next.

But, we are not sitting bundled-up in a corner and worry about report-results! My parents-in-law went to The Royal Albert Hall last night to attend a Salvation Army Christmas Concert - they loved it! Andries was privileged enough to receive a ticket to the Chelsea VS Arsenal football match yesterday afternoon - also a great experience. Hopefully next time there will be two tickets... Hugo and I are making Christmas cards for his class mates and getting everything ready for next week's jam-packed 'Christmas-week' at school, which will be filled with parties, a kiddies entertainer, playing at the Tiller soft play area and gifts from Christmas father. Then it is holiday time (again!) and he will return to school on the 4th of January, the day after his fourth birthday.

And in between all of this? We are enjoying the Christmas feel all around us! And I am going for an eye brow shape session - it is amazing how fast hair can grow!

Home

There is indeed no place like home - no matter where in the world you called home. As soon as the doctor gave me the green light I packed my little bag and was ready when Andries arrived at 10:30 this morning to take me home. The traffic was a nightmare like most of the time in London, but we arrived on time to pick Hugo up from play school. He was dressed in a space suit and his face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw me. He ripped off the outfit and told me in no uncertain terms that we are going home!

At home we where welcomed with big-smiled faces and the most delicious smells from the kitchen. Even Ivan, who is completely besotted about his father, was happy to see me. After a cup of tea and a toasted sandwich, I went to take a nap. It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed.

Thanks for all the prayers and messages. Now, I am going to lie down next to the boys and just enjoy a story or two. XXX

Hoping for home

Today I've been in hospital for one week. This time last week the mastectomy-procedure was well under way. I'm very thankful that I am on this side of the operation and on my way to recovery.

The hospital, The London Clinic, is all very smart, the service excellent (my hospital meals chosen from a menu and prepared and delivered by 'Clinic Hotel Services') and the staff extremely professional, but I want to go home now. I miss everyone terribly and can't wait to hand out heaps of hugs and kisses to my boys.

My hair also started to grow at a very good pace for the last week. I even had to shave under my not-dissected armpit this morning. I am very excited about the hair growing back on my head! Since Andries shaved everything off in July, it takes a split second to get used the image in the mirror, every single time I look at myself. Although it doesn't 'feel' different to have no hair on my head. The first lot of hair that is coming out feels very soft and the ends burnt - I think because of the strong chemo drugs. I have gotten the advise to let it grow out a bit and then shave it all off again. The next set of hair is then usually nice, smooth, strong and thick.

On a very serious hair-note. I've been washing my dome with baby shampoo. I reckoned that would be quite sensible and I will also 'have no tears'. Well, that is rubbish! The reason why babies scream until their faces turn blood-red during bath time, is because the shampoo burns your eyes like hell. Not to mention that it is a horrible sensation when the cold shampoo hits your bald head. Just keep that in mind next time you do babies hair...

Anyway, I am getting ready for my morning date - my three hunks are coming to visit, seeing that I will not be going home today. At least another drain pipe can be removed and then there is only one more left. So maybe, just maybe I can go home tomorrow. I hope you all have a great weekend and that the temperatures in Joburg will be rising very soon. XXX

Four days and counting

So it's been four days after surgery. I am bruised in a lot of places. Still three drain pipes hanging from my left side. Stiff from sleeping eight hours in one position. I am not particularly in a lot of pain, though I drink all the pills that they pile up in front of me - surely a lot of them pain killers. The nursing staff is wonderful - patient, understanding and extremely gentle.

But I miss home, my two beautiful boys, the familiar sounds and smells. My mom-in-law is by far the best cook I know. She can dish up the most amazing plates of food with minimal ingredients and splashes of spices here and there. I am so looking forward to that once I am home. My blood platelets are low and the doctor advised that I should eat well and added that "I don't need to tell a South African to eat red meat". But no piece of red meat in the UK can even begin to compare to a piece of Karoo lamb..... mmm....

My surgeon is off to a South African beach holiday. Cape Town. I am so excited for him. I gave him a nice long list of places to visit, wine to taste and roads to travel. He looked at me and said he was hoping to relax on the beach but would definitely consider my 'to do' list. I am so happy about the fact that the pounds we are spending on the surgery will be channeled back to South Africa - I hope he buys a lot of good wine and delicious SA cuisine.

Tonight the care group is packing shoe boxes. This is usually a fun-filled evening! The aim is to produce a Christmas box filled with toys and sweets for less fortunate children. A project run by the church. We are all so blessed, that it is so nice to be able to give back and share blessings. I hope that you will also join a special project this coming Christmas time and make a difference in someone's live, even if it is just one person.