Six-month clear

This last week was quite busy. The highlight however was on Tuesday when I've received the six-month "all clear". After some blood tests the week before, Dr. Jones, my oncologist, seemed very satisfied with the results. The medication I am taking, and in all probability for the next 20 months, has it's side effects. This is medication prescribed for breast cancer patients as well as woman struggling to fall pregnant. I can see and feel the effects as my cycle follows it's hormonal journey every month. But, my doctor wasn't ready for me to just stop using it and for the time being I just have to cope with the slight discomfort.

I felt very anxious the day before the appointment - you just never know what the results are going to say. It was a great relief to hear her say "everything is fine and the blood results look great". She confirmed yet again that my results after the operation, which was a pathological complete remission, is the best possible result you can hope for. Auxiliary involvement (the amount of lymph nodes also affected by cancer) is a very good indicator for future recurrence. The more nodes involved, the bigger the changes. Literature suggest that with four or more lymph nodes effected, your chances of recurrence or even metastases (when the cancer spreads to other body parts like the liver or bones) jumps to 60%. In my situation we do not know how many nodes where initially involved, but only that they (or maybe just one...) tested positive. The pathology report however shows a good and positive outcome with regards to recurrence.

But with the days in between we feel very home sick, especially when experiencing the Soccer World Cup from so far away. Yet, we feel so proud so be South African in these trying times. We're having a family long weekend in a UK CenterParcs resort (Longleat, close to Bath), It's similar to an up market Aventura resort - a lovely facility where you can get back to nature, ride a bike all weekend long and just relax.

Today was also my middle sister Karien's thirtieth birthday (Happy, Happy!) as well as my dear friend Santie's little Sune's third birthday. And it is just days like these that you wish you were so much closer to home. I miss all of them dearly!

Hope you have a great weekend and enjoy the soccer - or football as we refer to it here in the UK ;-)

Today, one year

Today, one year ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It's been a journey filled with pain, tears, but also healing, hope and love. A journey I wish upon NO ONE, but one I wouldn't have wanted any other way. Thank you so much for every prayer of healing, positive thought and story of hope - it carried me through every moment.

To God all the glory for the miracle of healing!

To Andries and my beautiful two boys, Hugo and Ivan - every step was worth it to be able to be longer with you.

To all our wonderful family and friends - you've been the wings that carried us with the diagnoses, every chemo session, the operation and the times in-between.

Don't let fear ever get the best of you. We can only live in the moment. Let our yesterdays make us wise and let our tomorrows make us courageous. Lets love unconditionally and live life to the fullest, in our todays.

Race for Life

Photos from the top: (1) Warming up (2) Running for my dear friends (3) My three biggest supporters (4) Crossing the finish line (5) Ivan, Hugo & I

Today I completed my first 5km Race for Life Challenge - I had an amazing time! The event was held at the O2 Dome in Greenwich, the first one ever at the O2 and also the first of the season. There are various events all over the UK during summer time and approximate 730 000 entries are expected in 2010.

Race for Life is an UK cancer research organisation. The aim is to raise as much as possible money to continue the great work doctors and scientists are doing in life-saving research into causes of cancer. In 2009 they raised 65 million pounds. As a five month breast cancer survivor, I know I benefited a great deal from this.

You get a race-number to wear on the front of your shirt and a bright pink card for you back that reads: "I race for life for:....." - well, I did it for my dear friends Magdel and Anneliese. It was quite an emotional morning for me and it touched me deeply that my three greatest fans were there, Andries, Hugo and Ivan. Last week Sunday was the annual London marathon and our church were involved with one of the water stations. Both Hugo and Ivan shouted "hou-bene-hou! hou-bene-hou!" to just about all the runners. Today was no different and my little men were very impressed that mommy completed a "marathon"(we explained it was just a tiny little mini-marathon!).

I also entered one for the 4th of July. A bunch of moms and staff from Hugo's play school are also taking part. This one will be all around the beautiful Greenwich Park. The other one I entered is in Regent's Park - the park right at the cancer clinic where I received my chemo as well as the London Clinic where I was hospitalised for the operation and recovery. Both my doctors work in Harley Street, very close to the park.

As earlier mentioned, today is my five-month-in-remission-anniversary. I feel so blessed and often overwhelmed by the goodness, grace and love bestowed upon us by our Lord and God. I feel so excited and positive about the future!

Back home - in London

(Photos from the top: kids and myself (my hair is not the shortest anymore!); Andries and the boys, visit and lekker braai with great friends; cousins on Andries' side; with my sister Karien's boy, James, also two)

We've been back home in London for 10 days now. A hectic 10 days. I didn't sleep on the plane home at all and it took me the better part of three days to get my head and spirit ready for the next leg of our stay.

We had a fantastic time in South Africa - wish we could stay longer and see more people. We will have to come and make up at a later stage....

While visiting SA I saw a physiotherapist that specialises in the treatment of lymphoedema. Lymphoedema is a risk due to treatment of breast cancer. Lymph is a colourless fluid which forms in the body and is normally drained. Lymph nodes acts as filters and also play an important part in the body's defence against infection by removing excess protein, dead or abnormal cells and bacteria. If this drainage becomes blocked or damaged, lymph will accumulate in the tissue and swelling occurs. Lymhoedema can lead to changes in the tissue such as hardness and an increased risk of infection. The swelling can then become even more difficult to control. In my situation, where 18 lymph nodes were removed, lymphoedema will always be an issue. The therapist suggested that I wear an arm sock on the flight back to the UK and also on days when I am going to use the arm a lot. She also showed me good exercises to help the muscles encourage the flow of fluid through the vessels.

My sister-in-law also treated me to a fantastic massage session with a lady that specialises in oncology massages. It helped so much to get the swelling of my hand and arm down, not to mention how wonderfully relaxing it was!

I also had an appointment with my breast specialist yesterday, just a check up. All is well and he is satisfied with the results five months post-op. Some days I can't believe that I am so close to the one year mark of my breast cancer diagnosis - it feels super surreal!

Little Hugo is still on school holiday and will be back three hours a morning, five days a week this coming Monday. I've also put Ivan's name down, but he can only go once he turned 30 months (still a while, since he turned two on the 4th of April).

When we arrived in London we were greeted with beautiful flowers all along the road back home as well as marvelous sunshine. The day light hours are also increasing every day and sunset is only around 20:00 in the evenings. If it seems late, wait till June, then the sun only sets around 21:20! But we enjoy very day as it comes. Because every single day will always hold in something beautiful, something special. I hope your next couple of days will also be special and cherished.

Fun in the sun!

As the title is giving away - we are having a fantastic time in SA. It is so good to feel the African sun on our (very!) white, almost see-through UK skins. The boys are playing outside for the most part of the day and are dirty most of the time - a sign of good use of energy.

I have managed a few tea-sessions as well as dinner-dates with friends, a movie and relinking with old friends. Andries is in Singapore at the moment, spending last week in Australia on business. We miss him so much! He was also able to visit with Bernard and Cornelie, very dear friends of ours. And the reports show that they have been spoiling him rotten! Thanks you guys!

I have been on the Tamoxifen drugs for about four weeks. At times it makes me feel horrible (like a menopausal, pregnant, depressed mother of three children under the age of three!). But for most of the time I am tolerating it quite well. I hope that the latter will be the final effect as both specialists are so positive about the drug. It keeps the cancer away from the healthy breast but is apparently also good for bone density and keeping the bad cholesterol low. My oncologist did however warn me that the drug was developed as fertility treatment and that "she doesn't want any little surprises"......

A lot of people are asking us if there will be more children. And the honest answer is that we just don't know. With the information now available to us, the likelihood is small. I have to be on the Tamoxifen for at least two years, although it is recommended for five years. We were also warned that it is best to not fall pregnant for at least two years after the administering of the last chemo. But, as with everything else we are leaving this in God's hands. He will know best....

We are very excited for Andries' arrival this coming Saturday. He will be on leave for a week before we return to London. The last week will be a jam-packed to make sure we see as many friends and family as possible. Our last say in SA will also be the day we celebrate Ivan's second birthday. We can't believe our little baby is growing up so fast!

Thank you again to all who are making this SA-visit so memorable and lovely. It makes it so much harder to return to our temporary home in London.

Thanks to all

We've been in SA for little over a week now. We are enjoying every moment in our beautiful and warm surroundings. Everyone is spoiling us and it is so good to see all our loved ones.

Yesterday we had our thanks-giving event. Thank you to all who were there and also to all who made the day possible. Thank you to everyone who helped with the preparation of the food and to everyone who attended. We feel so grateful and blessed to have you all in our lives.

But the biggest thanks to our heavenly Father - for love, grace and healing.

There are lots of braai and tea appointments. Can't wait!

XXX

Whoopedee...It is February!

Photos: Andries and the boys went to the Science museum to give mommy the day off; the hair is growing-growing-growing; boys taking a 'play-break' with some popcorn; Ivan the artist, the boys playing in the snow.

I am so happy that February is well under way. January has been a long and depressing month for me. I think it is because everyone went home, Christmas trees and lights have been put away, the days are still cold, short and dark and there was snow. Now the snow is usually magical, especially if you're from Africa. But the truth is it is magical when it falls and for a few hours after, then it becomes slush and icy and slippery and a little dangerous.

I am feeling OK, struggling a bit with lower back pain and the cuts from the operation also hurts every now and then. The back pain is from having to lift our little 13kg-mer into his car seat, in and out of shopping trolleys and every now and then we just have to change his nappy.... Other muscles are working harder and in different ways to make up for the loss of 100% commitment from the left arm. But we'll get there. Every day the pain and aces are better than the previous day.

My oncologist have now decided to definitely put me on the drug Tamoxifen. This is to prevent breast cancer from returning to the healthy breast. If I cope well with the side effects I'll be using this for at least the next two years (usually the prescription is for five years). She is very satisfied with the "progress and getting better" after the chemo. She is not very fond as to send patients for bunches of scans every month or three. She is afraid of the amount of radiation that the patient is exposed to. She prefers routine blood-work and examinations. I feel lucky that she has good contacts in SA (she was there just last week) for I will need a new doctor once we return to SA.

My hair is starting to grow much more, I almost need a trim at the back and around the ears. And slowly but surely I can feel that I am getting further away from the last chemo session and the aftermath of the operation. The other day I was working through photos from our time here in London, also looking at the chemo and cancer ones. It still feels so surreal, so far away, almost as if it never happened. The only traces of that time my short hair and the cuts on my body.

Andries went on a well-deserved skiing holiday with good friends. He really had his work cut out for him the last eight months - at the office and at home. I'll let you know if I survived the "at-home-alone-with-kids-in-tow".....

We are looking forward to our SA visit very much. It is so nice to start preparing for this time. I am looking forward to the sunshine the most! Not to mention the braaivleis and boerewors dinners that are awaiting us.

As mentioned in the previous blog entry, we are having a "thank-you" picnic in Roodepoort on the 7th of March. If you've been following the blog, we would love to see you there. Please send me an e-mail at lourika.kotzee@gmail.com for you invitation.

I've just finished Lance Armstrong's book 'It's not about the bike - My journey back to life'. It touched me deeply, and I predict that it would any cancer patient. This book has been so good to me on an emotional level. Lance is extremely positive, wonderfully encouraging and the best of all, straightforward. Although we don't share the same religious views, we do share the cancer journey and the 'getting-your-life-back' part. We are all going to face death one day, one way or another. In Lance's words: "But I think we are supposed to face it (death) straightforwardly, armed with nothing but courage. And courage being the quality of spirit that enables one to encounter danger with firmness and without fear". I hope you will be able to face all of life's challenges head-on, firm and without fear.